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January 2014

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So Lucky; So Fortunate.

I felt the need to write tonight.
I am really happy and wish to forever remember how this feels for the remainder of my life.
I am calm. I am peaceful.I am AT peace.
Everything recently has been so topsy turvy that I've forgotten what its like to feel content. To feel happy. To feel....at ease.
I am forever grateful.
To friends, to God. To family. Despite the hardship I've been going through I've realized...that the biggest gift I can give to myself is to give myself time to breathe. When things get so tense, when things get so crazy, I seem to forget to do this and allow myself to have the demons in my life take over. But when I breathe, when I close my eyes and allow myself to listen closely to calming music, my whole world is washed anew. I say washed because when the tears come it is the biggest release of energy I have, and when I let them escape my body it makes me feel alive; human again.
I am so grateful to have been blessed with the ability to self reflect in this way, and for having a space I can call my own like this to allow me to share my current feelings. I realize that not everybody has this ability - or even the ability to slow down and breathe - and that makes me sad. So much in this world can be fixed if one just took a step back to acknowledge the good in their lives. The happy. The content. And yes, the sad. All events we deal with in life mold us into who we are. We have the wonderful ability as humans to shed the bad and embrace the good. And I want to remember that this is my ultimate goal. To step back from all stressful events and realize I have a great family, wonderful doctors, and a loving fiance to help shed the negative energy out of myself. It just feels so amazing to do so - like a physical dieting cleanse - I feel pure again. Able to focus on the little things; do the little things in life that matter to so many. I have a heart that is filled with so much love for so many people, I have to remind myself that this is my ultimate goal: to share as much love as I have, for so many people have little of it in their hearts. It saddens me to think this because I believe everyone deserves to share in this same feeling. Not everyone has the ability to self-reflect (in an honest way) and bring out that candle of hope, however small that may be, for it makes a mighty flame. I want to help people learn how to do that. If there has ever been a calling for me, it's that.
And to think it all started with one, slow deep breath.
Sometimes thats all it takes. Sometimes one small step leads to more, greater steps, that can help change the world we live in.
I am so lucky - so fortunate - that I have been blessed with this ability to tap into my inner strengths to see, know and understand this about myself.
I will not let myself let God down.
This is me. At my rawest. Being my most pure self. I cannot wait to embark on the journey ahead because God will be lighting my way.
And that is all I'll ever need.